Monthly Archives: December 2011

New Year Reservations

I’ve really set the bar really low with myself. With the new year approaching, I’m tempted to set some resolutions. I read somewhere that 25% of new year resolutions don’t make it a week. I’m not a gambling man, but if I were I’d probably bet against myself. It’s not even confidence issue; I’d bet against you too, and I don’t even know you. I just have too many goals, and I don’t have the time to pursue all of them. My biggest problem is that I overwhelm myself with shit I want to do, and just do nothing. My most recent venture was to start playing and get really good at video games. Even achieving that goal is pathetic, but failing? That’s something totally different…

I’ve realized that I’m riding the cusp of the shit end of every spectrum imaginable. My eating habits are that of (if not worse) than that guy from Super Size Me. It’s just too much of a drastic change for me to even attempt it without wanting to take a nap. Fat people tell me that I’m lucky to be skinny, and I still need to change because I’m probably black on the inside- I disagree. If my body can handle the food I eat and maintain an athletes physique, is it really that insane to think my body can handle it internally? I’d prefer to think I’m simply more evolved than fat people. I’ve been conditioned to think fat people are nice, but they aren’t. They are filled with jealousy and they sweat in places I don’t, and I find that book cover gross enough to judge. Unless of course the probable truth that I actually am black on the inside reveals itself. In that case, my apologies.

I can scathe by unfit, but I need to quit smoking. I’ve made such deep rooted associations with everyday shit and smoking it’s almost impossible to quit. I can’t help but feel like by the time it really catches up with me, technology and medicine would have advanced in such a way that I could get my lungs replaced with some robotic super lungs. And if that happened, as a sickly smoker I’d probably have a better chance of getting a pair than that whiny shit who thinks it’s its unfair they have to smell smoke walking past the smokers on the way to their car from the restaurant. By the way, we’re all equally allergic to smoke, that’s why it kills us. 

I’m with my friend, and he’s telling me about his dog. He said whenever he shows Max money, he shows his teeth. I ask him who Max is, and he says it’s his dog and asks me what else I could he could be referring to other than a dog. My response: a Jew. 

And now that I’ve completely alienated my audience, I’m going to sleep.